The Seasons of Grief

"The Seasons of Grief: Helping Your Children Grow Through Loss"
by Dr. Donna A. Gaffney, New American Library, New York

Using case histories effectively, offers detailed suggestions for helping youngsters confront the trauma of death -- including such potentially difficult events as wakes and funerals -- and identifies criteria for helping distinguish normal grief reactions in children from clinical depression.

- Julius Segal, The Washington Post

Donna Gaffney has written a sensitive book on helping children deal with death. This work is beautifully written with numerous anecdotes and is filled with practical advice in handling difficult situations related to the loss of family members, peers or other friends. The process of mourning is conceptualized as seasons of grief.

The seasons of grief are time intervals designating periods of the mourning process. These include: the time immediately following the death; the time around the funeral or memorial services; the days following that require reentry to normal routines; the first year; and the significant life events over the years. The emotional reactions identified by Kubler-Ross may be experienced during any of the seasons.

The audience for the book is identified as the parents, family members and other concerned adults who assist children in dealing with loss associated with death. Although it is not specifically directed toward psychiatric nurses, there are several functions Seasons of Grief may serve for the nurse. First, the book is an excellent source for families experiencing such a loss. It provides sound suggestions in handling very delicate matters such as children’s participation in memorial services for siblings and close family members. 

Secondly, Seasons of Grief provides the novice nurse with an excellent source of knowledge. If the nurse has not been trained in bereavement therapy and works therapeutically with children, this book can provide valuable background information. Gaffney demonstrates several particular strengths in her book. The direct approach is emphasized in dealing with the children. Gaffney effectively builds a case for not denying children’s grief or their need to work through such losses; her case examples clearly demonstrate the detrimental effects of such denial. Another strong emphasis of the book is recognizing the individual needs of the child. Dr. Gaffney clearly directs those adults intervening with children who are experiencing loss to be sensitive to the individual child’s needs and plan their approach with those individual needs in mind!

The book also presents additional information that is quite helpful. General descriptions of ceremonies by various religious groups, when to seek professional help and considerations of death by special circumstances are included. The special circumstances section incorporates death by suicide, including adolescent suicide. This topic is covered quite briefly, but adequately in the context of the whole book. Seasons of Grief is a well written book that makes an excellent addition to one’s library as well as a professional reference for practitioners. It sensitively addresses the individual needs of children experiencing loss. It is also a wonderful addition to the public literature written by a psychiatric nurse.

- Patricia West, MSN, RN, CS, Psychiatric Nursing Consultant, Grosse Pointe Farms, Michigan

“This informative and comprehensive book provides parents and helping professionals with practical advice on the important topic of helping children deal with the death of a loved one.”

- Dr. Charles E. Schaefer, author of The therapeutic powers of play: 20 core agents of change.

A useful guidebook now exists when parents ask: "What do I say to-my child when he/she asks about death?" 

The Seasons of Grief is a warm and sensitive book written for parents and children. It answers difficult questions posed to parents by children and offers examples of supportive responses for preschoolers to adolescents.

Dr. Donna Gaffney, a psychiatric nurse, helps put confusion into perspective for parents, enabling them to help their children and share grief together. A crisis intervention model is the theoretical framework which is discussed in an easy to understand manner.

The book encompasses the long road ahead from beginning to end: How to tell your children about the death of a loved one, sharing grief, re-entering life, the first year after the death; 

How to tell your children about the death of a loved one, sharing grief, re-entering life, the first year after death; how to cope with violent and unexpected deaths, the future and meaningful events; how to decide when and where to get help, and information for concerned adults, teachers, and clergy.

The chapter on how to prepare a child for funeral services, and discussion of different religious customs is excellent and informative. Issues that are seldom discussed such as "Big things and little things", and "Daily challenges of re-entry into life”, throw families when they least expect it. Gaffney prepares and assists families for the unexpected.

The symbolic therapeutic metaphors are expertly demonstrated, "Grief is like a butterfly", and "Carrying emotional baggage" are useful for individual children, and groups of teenagers. The metaphors can assist children and adolescents to open up to others instead of withdrawing into themselves.

By encouraging open communication between parent and child, this book turns a crisis event into growth, and a search for meaning. Helpful tips to maintain as much stability after death are suggested.

This book is highly recommended for nurses, psychotherapists, physicians, social workers, teachers, clergy, funeral directors, and above all, parents. It can be a helpful resource book for use in perinatal loss programs, support groups for grieving families, and funeral homes.

- Pam Buckalew, RN, MSN, CS.  New Jersey Nurse